How to work with people you hate!

Newsflash: Not everyone likes you. Therefore, it’s most likely that you won’t like everyone you work with. So how can you deal with people in a work environment that you seriously dislike or even hate? The solution to this dilemma is to engage a strategy to limit the toxicity of the relationship.

Toxic people in the work environment may be your peers, your direct reports, your manager, your clients, your suppliers. Depending on the relationship you may be exposed to their behaviour frequently or infrequently. Sometimes even limited interactions with toxic people can have a disproportionate impact on your work life, creating unnecessary stress.

When faced with a problem one of the most helpful things you can do, is to acknowledge you have a problem and take steps to deal with it. The mere process of seeking a solution can dissipate a certain amount of stress as you regain an element of control.

5 Step Strategy to Deal with Toxic People

It may not be possible to follow all the steps in every situation, however it should be possible to utilise some of them.

Step 1

Identify the reasons why you dislike the person. Is it their behaviour, are they pushy, very assertive or even aggressive? Do they abuse their position of authority? Do they blame you for things that are not your fault? Do you find their communication style to be blunt? Is it possible that you are behaving in a manner that is causing the individual to treat you as they do? Could you alter your behaviour to accommodate their working style to alleviate unnecessary tension without compromising yourself? Evaluate if you are being reasonable or are you over-reacting. When you clearly identify the reasons for the toxic nature of your relationship it is possible to take action to diffuse the situation.

Step 2

Engage the stimulus gap response model as part of your defense mechanism when interacting with the toxic person. This model suggests that when faced with a stimulus, in this case the toxic person, you should not respond immediately to them. You should take time to consider your response options. This approach has the benefit of reducing an emotional response which can further exasperate the situation.

Step 3

Exercise caution when interacting with the toxic person. You cannot afford to engage with the toxic person whilst in auto-pilot mode. You need to have your wits about you so you can proactively manage your interactions and not be caught off guard. Whenever you interact with the toxic person, raise your game. Review the wording of your e mails to ensure your message is correct, clear and beyond reproach. Prior to attending a prearranged meeting ensure you are fully prepared and anticipate likely contentious issues so you have ready access to alternative solutions. When exposed to chance encounters with the toxic person, be professional and brief.

Step 4

Limit your interactions with the toxic person. This may be difficult but is worth pursuing if possible. Is it possible to communicate mainly by e mail so you avoid face to face interactions? If yes, you can have the advantage of communicating in a very clinical manner with sufficient gaps to avoid emotional responses. When engaged in a face to face interaction can you reduce the time of the encounter? You can engage priming, a process that influences the thinking of another person. For example, you meet the toxic person, and you immediately advise them you have another meeting to attend at a specific time, therefore, they expect you to leave at that specific time.

Step 5

Call out inappropriate behaviour. Oftentimes the difficulties you experience with a work colleague are due to your dislike of their behaviour in the work place. Inappropriate behaviour can range from slightly irritating to extremely stressful. Although not always easy, especially if the individual is your boss, it is vitally important that inappropriate behaviour is highlighted. If inappropriate behaviour is not challenged it sends a signal to the individual that it is socially acceptable to continue on in this manner. The culprit will have no reason to even consider how their behaviour is impacting on others.

You need to challenge inappropriate behaviour in an appropriate manner. Choose your channel of communication, written or spoken, and the words you use, with care. If you document your views ensure you can stand over the comments you make. If the mere thought of confronting the toxic individual is even worse than putting up with their behaviour, you may need to consider seeking help from others in your team, department or organisation. The voice of the collective can have more impact than that of a single individual and may act as a wake up call the toxic person concerning their behaviour.

Let me know your thoughts on the above strategy for dealing with toxic people, post a comment or send me an e mail, michael@michaellukecollins.com

Michael Luke Collins – enhancing the capabilities of staff in management, leadership and communications.